Do you ever get so angry, it wears your body out?
All you wanna do is drop everything and sprawl out on your bedroom floor, and close your eyes hoping that maybe, just for a moment, the universe will literally chew up and spit out your existence.
Just as you felt it has already.
Being so confused,
because you wake up hurt, go to bed hurt, sit in Biology class and radiate all the pain you've ever endured.
You are bitter and sarcastic, never wanting to give anyone the time of day because when you do, you only get hurt.
You want, need, someone to hear you, you need someone to listen.
But at the same time, you don't want to bore them, or push them away.
You don't want anyone to know how deeply your cynical remarks really go.
You want to keep it a secret,
how every snarky remark was never something to be taken lightly.
You want to pretend they can't see it,
but it shows.
It shows by the way you talk,
the way you walk,
the way you second guess your trust and love for everyone, especially yourself.
The way you need people,
and yet you can't picture being anything but alone.
I need you, as a friend.
And nothing more.
The girl you see every day is not who I am,
it's the bitter result of the person within me,
created by my past.
And, never, not ever carried any further beyond this moment.
This moment right here.
8:28 PM
September 21.
